Please Don't Say You Love Me
by VictoriaEsme
Summary: Can Fletch convince Colette that she doesn't need to be afraid to fall in love, or will their history make it too hard to move on?
1. Chapter 1

New Colette & Fletch fic. The bits in italics are flashbacks. The flashbacks aren't really in any order. Hope you enjoy and leave a review! x

Taking his shirt off the hanger, Fletch shook it out to remove any creases before carefully putting it on. He slowly did up the buttons and then repeated the same process with his jacket. He stood back to look at himself in the mirror. Nodding with approval he quickly ran a comb through his hair before throwing his belongings back into his locker. Glancing at the time Fletch took once last look in the mirror before turning on his heel and heading to the women's locker room. Knocking gently on the door he waited for a response. When he was met with silence Fletch knocked again, louder this time.

"Colette?" He called gently. Once again, he received no response. "Col!" Fletch shouted, a little impatient this time.

"What?" Colette called back, a similar level of exasperation was evident in her tone.

"We're going to be late. Are you nearly ready?" He shouted through the door.

"Not yet" They had neither decided nor agreed to accompany each other to the charity ball. When they heard about the ball there was almost an instant, unspoken understanding that they would attend together. Anxiously checking his watch Fletch replied "how long are you going to be?" before checking his watch again. The charity ball had already started and Colette's lax attempts at getting ready were hardly putting him at ease.

"I dunno Fletch" Colette replied grumpily. "I can't go like this" The brunette added sadly from the other side of the locked door.

Before he had a chance to respond, the brunette had opened the door and quickly ushered him inside. "Be honest…" She added quietly, indicating to her appearance. "And don't lie. I know I look horrible but I only bought one dress and my hair is a mess…" The brunette rambled nervously. Her long brunette hair was loose but Colette was embracing her natural curls. Fletch always used to tell her how much he loved it and she rarely ever listened but it still looked as beautiful as it did all those years ago. She wore a crimson dress which exenterated her flawless figure, dark hair and dark eyes.

"…Col" Fletch cut her off, outstretching an arm to take her hand. "You look stunning" He replied simply.

"You're just saying that" Colette replied defensively before falling to sit on the bench with a sigh. "I can't go like this" She added sadly, gesturing again to her appearance. Reaching across Fletch took her hand and squeezed it reassuringly.

"You trust me don't you?" He asked her softly. She turned to him, her wide eyes resting upon his as she nodded. "Then believe me when I say that you look absolutely beautiful"

Colette felt a gentle smile tug at the corner of her lips as she whispered 'thank you'.

"Come on then" Fletch suddenly laughed, standing to his feet before helping Colette to hers. Grabbing her coat from the bench he rested it on her shoulders before slipping arm around her.

"Hey! I'm not your date" Colette teased shrugging his arm from around her waist as they walked out of the hospital in order to hail a taxi towards the hotel.

"Oh, you're not are you?" Fletch laughed as she reached to cling to his arm, in an attempt to stay upright in her new shoes.

"No, I'm just…" Colette hesitated, trying to think of the right term for their bizarre relationship. Somehow 'your ex fiancé' didn't seem quite right.

"You're just…?" He teased gently. "Just Collywobble" Fletch grinned as Colette playfully slapped him on the arm.

"How many times, don't call me that!" She laughed, shoving him gently as they walked towards their waiting taxi.

"_We're going places, you and me" Fletch told her proudly, nudging her on the arm as they sat in the local bar after a long day on the ward. _

"_How so?" Colette asks with a girlish giggle, having had possible one too many vodkas. _

"_We're going to get married" Fletch smiled, nodding as he spoke for clarification. _

"_You're drunk" Colette pointed out, trying her best to reach across the table and hit him playfully. The vodka was playing havoc with her coordination though and instead she nearly knocked herself out on the table. Fletch broke into hysterical laughter whilst Colette pouted. "Anyway, we can't get married. You can't marry someone you only met last week" The brunette slurred as she pointed his finger towards him, causing Fletch to continue laughing._

"_Well I didn't mean that we're going to get married today you numpty" The male nurse mocked, causing Colette's brow to furrow in confusion._

"_But you said we're going to get married?" She asked, confusion heavy in her northern lull. _

"_We are" Fletch told her with a smile "I can see us getting married. Maybe not for a few years though" He added with a laugh. "I really like you Col" _

"_I really like you too" Colette replied sincerely as Fletch reached across the table to take her hand in his._

"_I told you Col, we're going places, you and me" He repeated gently. "Drink up, it's getting late"_


	2. Chapter 2

Thank you for all the kind reviews! Here's the next part!

The charity ball had been an instant success. Fletch's auction had raised a huge amount of money and he had become very popular as the auctioneer, despite some last minute nerves. Colette was proud of him as her knew how nervous he had been. As he left the stage and regained his seat beside her she leaned forward to capture his lips in a gentle kiss.

"What was that for?" Fletch asked, an amused grin pinching at the corner of his lips.

"Dunno" Colette laughed softly. "Sorry" She added quietly.

"Why sorry? It wasn't that bad" He teased, but Fletch became concerned when Colette didn't laugh. Her eyebrows had become knitted together as she rested her head on the palms of her hand. "What?" He asked gently, as she continued to look towards him.

"I dunno. I mean, our relationship is confusing enough as it is without me going and doing that" The brunette replied, her voice barely audible as she spoke. Fletch reached forward to take her hand, absentmindedly rubbing soothing circles into the top of her hand.

"Col, I don't know where we stand and I certainly don't understand us at the moment. But nobody said that, that is a bad thing. This never was going to be straight forward was it?" He whispered gently to which Colette shook her head. "I can't say we're just friends because we have far too much history for that. But things can't just fall back into place like they were all those years ago. We'll figure it out though, in time" Fletch spoke reassuringly in hope that he would calm Colette's fears. "You have to stop keeping everything up there though" He added, tapping the top of her forehead.

"I know" Colette replied sadly. It had been her downfall for many years. She was far too independent and used to dealing with everything on her own, which was precisely why she never told anybody anything.

"Look Colette, I know you" Fletch reminded her gently. "I know you're scared. And I know you always have been scared"

"Scared of what?" Colette asks, defensively leaning back in her chair.

"Scared of falling in love. Scared of getting hurt" He replied, moving his chair closer to hers as he reached forward to take her free hand again. "But you don't need to be scared"

Colette nodded. She trusted him implicitly.

"And I'm not saying that we're going to fall back in love or start where we left off. But if we find that we still have feelings for each other then it'll be okay. We've learnt from our mistakes Col, I understand you better now. We just have to take it as it comes" Fletch spoke softly, once again rubbing absentminded circles into the top of her hand.

"I do love you" Colette murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. "I'm just not sure I'm in love you yet" She added simply. Fletch nodded. He could already see the anxiety in her eyes as she tried desperately to figure out her feelings.

"It's okay" He whispered reassuringly. "I love you too. I don't know whether I've fallen for you. But if it turns out that way, it'll be okay. You don't need to be scared to fall in love Col" Fletch spoke in gentle whispers and she hung on his every word. The male nurse then stood to his feet, extending a hand to the usually subdued Colette.

"Dance with me?" He asked coyly.

"Always" The brunette replied bashfully before taking his hand and allowing herself to be led onto the dance floor.

_Colette fiercely brushed the tears from her eyes as the heavy, angry sobs continued to fight their way of out her tiny frame. The tears she had been suppressing for so long were causing her delicate eye liner to smudge down her pale cheeks. The brunette silently cursed herself as she buried her head in her hands. How could she have been so selfish? Someone had once told her that she was incapable of loving and they were right. She had been offered the perfect husband and she thought she loved him. But it would never be enough. _

_The sound of her phone caused her to lift her head from her hands, once again angrily wiping away the tears that continued to fall. It was him. Colette desperately tried to hide the evidence of her upset as she accepted the call. Clearing her throat the brunette plastered a fake smile to her face._

"_Fletch" She greeted warmly, thankful that her voice didn't sound strained. _

"_Collywobble" Her fiancé slurred with a laugh. "I just wanted to tell you…" He began, stumbling over his words as the large amounts of alcohol from his stag night began to take effect. "that I really, really love you Colette" Fletch finished honestly. "And I can't wait to marry you next week". This time Colette which could not hide the sob which rose in her throat. _

"_I love you Fletch" Colette managed to whisper. "Now go and have a good time" She added, forcing a quiet laugh. "See you tomorrow Fletch" The brunette ended the call before her fiancé even had a chance to protest. She couldn't bear to listen to how happy and excited he was for their future together when she knew she had to break his heart. She couldn't marry him. She'd only wind up resenting him for taking away her independence and losing sight of herself. It would be better this way, Colette told herself sternly. Fletch will be happier this way. She'd break his heart but at least then he could go on and build a life with someone who could make him truly happy, someone normal. She was too broken to make him happy. It would be better this way, she told herself again before once again succumbing to bout of fresh tears which threatened to spill down her cheeks. _


	3. Chapter 3

Author: VictoriaEsme

1. Chapter 1 2. Chapter 2 3. Chapter 3

Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Romance - Reviews: 5 - Published: 09-15-14 - Updated: 09-18-14

id:10694237

**Thank you for the reviews! Just a warning, there is some content in the end of this chapter which some may find upsetting! Sorry! X**

"Are you okay nurse Sheward?" Fletch asked softly, noticing Colette's hand tightly gripping the rail on her patient's bed. Her face looked void of colour as he struggled to catch her eye.

"Sorry" Colette whispered, her voice barely audible as she spoke. "Please excuse me" She added, attempting to acknowledge her patient. Fletch watched Colette quickly hurry away towards her office. He felt inclined to go after her but had her patient to deal with. He quickly took their obs whilst constantly looking across to Colette's office, despite the door being closed meaning he would have no idea what was happening without going in there.

"I'm sorry, could you please excuse me?" He asked his patient kindly, worry getting the better of him. "I'll get another nurse to come over and sort your discharge papers" He added before putting the patient folder back on the end of the bed and hurrying towards Colette's office. Knocking gently on the door he called 'Colette'. Receiving no response he knocked harder.

"Col, are you okay?" He could tell by leaning on the door that she hadn't locked it. Fletch had to fight his worry to push open the door and go straight in there, but he respected her too much for that. "Col" He called again.

"Fletch" A quiet voice almost whimpered from the other side of the door. Fletch took that as his que to enter. Pushing gently on the door he stepped inside before closing the door and locking it behind him. He spotted Colette with her head hanging over the desk, her eyes closed. Her face was pale and drawn and there was a strong smell of sick hanging in the air.

"Col" He whispered gently, rushing towards her. He held her hair back from her face as she wretched again before rubbing soothing circles into the bottom of her back. "It's okay. You're okay Col. Okay sweetheart" Fletch whispered soothingly as she continued to be sick in her office bin. When she stopped Colette leant back in her chair, her hand automatically going to her face to wipe the tears that had fallen whilst Fletch continued to soothe her gently. The pair fell into a companionable silence for a while, whist Colette attempted to compose herself.

"Better?" He asked softly after some time had passed. The colour was slowly making its way back into her cheeks but her temperature was still sky rocketing. "You didn't drink that much last night did you Col" Fletch teased, trying to make her smile as he passed her some water to sip.

"No, I babysat next door's child when she had a stomach bug" Colette managed to whisper "I think it's caught up with me"

"I'd say that was a pretty fair diagnosis Collywobble" Fletch told her softly, checking to feel her temperature. "Right, time to get you home. I'll call you a cab"

"I'm fine" Colette told him quietly, slowly taking another sip of water.

"Don't be stubborn Col, come on" Fletch told her sternly before picking up his phone and calling a local taxi firm before she had a chance to protest. He was told that someone would be with them within fifteen minutes. Putting the phone down he began to slowly gathered all her things up to go home, flitting between her office and the locker room as she continued to sit in her chair, shivering.

"Right I'll be by after work to check on you" Fletch told her assertively as he bundled the brunette into the taxi after slowly helping her outside to the car park. "No arguments" He added with a laugh as she attempted to protest. "Feel better soon Col" The brunette told her sympathetically before placing a gentle kiss on the top of her tousled brunette hair. Watching the taxi pull away he gave her a small wave before heading back inside and towards AAU.

_He watched her with a gentle smile as she slowly made her way into the living room. He had constantly teased her since their scan that morning about their future son or daughter. He'd kept on about their 'son' and how he was going to be football mad. Colette had played along for a few hours as she dragged him round a few department stores buying 'essentials' for her and their child. However, as she grew tired she began to get grouchy and it hadn't been long until she snapped at him demanding he take her home. Colette had told him to 'shut up about the baby for once' and in turn Fletch had been stunned into silence during the drive home. The brunette had carried on until they were home about how being five months pregnant was making her feel ill, tired and achy and how he barely ever asked after her at all. They'd argued for a while, stood in the middle of the kitchen. Fletch lent back against the counter standing his ground as Colette fiercely stood with her hands on her hips hardly letting him get a word in edgeways. When Fletch was sure she felt better for getting the frustration out of her system he apologised profusely. He reminded her how much he loved her and how sorry he was for not paying her enough attention. The male nurse had then ordered her to go and relax in the living room and promised to bring her a cup of tea. _

_"There you go Collywobble" Fletch smiled softly, placing a steaming cup of tea onto the coffee table for her. The brunette smiled gratefully in return as she dug through the piles of toys and clothes they had just purchased for their son or daughter. They enjoyed the moment of togetherness and harmony as it made a change from the increased about of arguing they'd been doing recently. They argued about everything but mostly about silly things. How they were going to cope when the baby arrived, who was going to work, when Colette was going to give up work, where they were going to put the nursery. In the end it didn't matter as they hadn't had to make any of these decisions. Colette was working one day when a patient had turned on her and fought her to the floor. The brunette was immediately rushed to maternity and their still born daughter was born just a few hours later. A result of a direct blow to her stomach and shock. A heartbroken Fletch and Colette found themselves struggling to hold it together but it quickly soon became a topic that was never mentioned or discussed. Colette wouldn't allow it._

_One summer's evening Fletch was trying his best to console a distressed Colette as she questioned why everything had fallen apart. The male nurse had subsequently promised that he would never let Colette come to any harm, illness or upset again because he couldn't stand to see her hurting. It was an impossible promise to keep but one he tried tirelessly to. Even when Colette had a cold he would refuse to leave her side until she were better. It was silly, but it was his way of coping with their grief. After all, he had to grieve for both of them. Colette wouldn't allow herself to be so weak._


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope you are all enjoying this. Please leave a review either way haha! x**

After his shift Fletch had quickly rushed home. He wanted to pick up some bits for Colette. Nothing special, just a few bits of food and something to make her smile. Shoving his key in the front door he turned the lock before heading into the hall. Dumping his bag in an unceremonious heap, the male nurse kicked off his shoes. Fletch headed straight up the hallway and into his bedroom. He knew exactly what he was looking for. Opening the wardrobe and crouching to the floor the brunette rummaged through the pile of trainers and flip flops until he came across a shoebox. Pulling it out he tried to ignore the avalanche of shoes which seemed to follow. The shoebox had 'Fletch & Col' written along the lid in black sharpie. Underneath it read 'Do not open unless you are Fletch or Col'. Fletch laughed at his own joke before pulling the lid of the box. Inside he found a huge number of old pictures, letters and memories which he had kept for over twenty years since their relationship dissolve. Unlike Colette, Fletch wanted to remember their time together all those years ago.

"Col" He whispered into the silence, picking up the photo on the top of the pile. The couple were sat on the beach in the middle of winter. Colette's hair was windswept and her face bore no makeup. But she was smiling from ear to ear and her eyes were so alive. She looked so beautiful it practically made Fletch's heart tug with both love and regret. It had always been his favourite picture, the one he chose to keep on the mantelpiece in their home. The one she chose to hide every time she walked past, cringing.

He quickly rummaged through the box. He wanted to show Colette all of these memories in hope that it would cheer her up. Or at least take her mind off how ill she might be feeling. However, Fletch had to remove a few things first. He came across a letter. The one she had wrote to him just over a week after they had split up. It was the first and last time he heard from her after the wedding. It had taken Fletch at least three tears to build up the courage to read her words but in the end he was glad he had waited. By the time he read the letter, Fletch felt a lot less hurt and humiliated by the whole situation. In the end the letter had helped to fully heal him as she explained why she had to leave. It was closure. Closure he had so badly needed at the time. Fletch removed the letter and placed it on his bedside table before continuing to look through the box. He found the card he was looking for, right at the bottom. Colette had bought it for him when she had found out she were pregnant. It read something along the lines of 'Best Daddy in the World' but he couldn't bring himself to look at it these days. She had used the card to tell him that he was going to be a father and inside lay any scans or pictures they had of their daughter. Like the letter, he took it out the box and placed it on the bedside table. He wouldn't let her see those, not today.

Happy that Fletch had removed everything he wanted, he went through to the kitchen and placed the shoebox in a plastic bag along with some soup, paracetamol and some DVDs he had picked up on the way home. Walking back into the hall the male nurse rammed his feet back into his trainers before locking the door, climbing in his car and heading across town to Colette's.

_Fletch,_

_I know you probably won't read this and I don't blame you but there are some things I need you to know. Firstly, I need to tell you how sorry I am. I never meant to hurt you. I didn't plan to leave you at the altar. I just couldn't go through with it. I know I am a coward but believe me, its better like this. If I'd have married you I would have ended up resenting you. I love you so much Fletch. Never think I left you because I don't love you. I just know I would have ended up hurting you. Like I said, its better this way. _

_You're the only person I have ever allowed myself to love and probably the only person I will ever love. I'm no good at loving Fletch. But you're going to be fine. You'll find someone else, someone less messed up than me and you'll be happy again, I promise. _

_I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. I wish you every happiness Fletch, you deserve it. I love you always have, always will. _

_Yours, Collywobble x_


	5. Chapter 5

**Another bit, I think I'm making up for the lack of Colette & Fletch in Holby recently haha. I hope you enjoy this and leave a review, your comments are much appreciated! x**

Colette was woken from her nap by a knock on the door. She quickly came to an and stood to her feet, ignoring the sudden head rush which made her feel dizzy.

"Coming" The brunette called wearily, realising it was going to take her longer to get to the door than she had first planned. The constant throbbing of her headache in the back of her neck was making sure of that. When Colette finally got to the door she opened it to reveal Fletch stood on the other side, his hair dripping slightly from the sudden rainstorm she had unintentionally caused him to stand out in.

"Col!" He greeted warmly, practically letting himself in, in order to get out of the rain. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great" she replied honestly, leading Fletch through the corridor of her flat and into the living room. It wasn't large and it wasn't lavish but it was enough for her. The crazy hours she worked as a nurse manager meant that she was hardly ever home anyway and when she was she didn't really worry about the size of the kitchen or the fact she didn't have a garden.

"I bought you some stuff over" Fletch told her, indicating to a supermarket bag which was now on the floor as he took a seat in her armchair. Colette curled back onto the sofa pulling the duvet over her weary frame. She barely had enough energy to thank him, let alone seem interested in what he had bought. "It's nothing special, just some paracetamol, a few DVD's and some of your favourite foods for when you're feeling better. I mean it doesn't matter if they're not your favourites any more, I know it's been a long time and you've got other favourites now but…"

"Fletch" Colette managed to laugh, cutting him off. "That's really thoughtful, thank you" She smiled, snuggling back down into her pillow.

"I best be off then" Fletch replied gently, sitting forward in his chair ready to stand. He had planned to go through their shoebox together, but she seemed so genuinely exhausted and ill that he didn't want to keep her awake.

"No, stay" Colette mumbled tiredly, sleep almost overtaking her body. "I like the company" She managed to add before her body began to relax into sleep. Fletch looked towards her almost sleeping form, completely bemused. Paracetamol did strange things to Colette, he decided. In all the years Fletch had known the nurse, that was probably the first time she had ever asked him to stay with her. Even when they were going through the worst heart break, she often preferred to be alone. However, this evening she'd asked him to stay, so it didn't really look like he had much of a choice. Fletch leant back in the armchair debating what to do as Colette had fallen asleep almost instantly. He couldn't put the TV on for fear of waking her and he didn't feel comfortable enough yet to just walk around her flat. He sat there for a while, just watching her chest rise and fall as she slept peacefully. Her face still looked pale and drawn and the flat was a mess where she had decided to set up camp in the living room with her duvet and a sick bucket.

After a while Fletch carefully stood to his feet, careful not to wake a sleeping Colette. He began to tidy, putting the magazines back on the coffee table and putting the TV remote back over by the television. He really had no idea where these things were kept but he vaguely remembered how she liked things in their house and tidied accordingly. After fifteen minutes or so, the only untidy looking thing left in the living room was Colette. She was practically falling off the sofa and her duvet had landed in an unceremonious heap on the floor. Fletch carefully picked it up and shook it out before softly placing it on her sleeping frame. Colette shifted in her sleep but did not wake, causing Fletch to gently sigh with relief. She looked so small and vulnerable. Fletch's heart ached as he began to feel a rush of love for the tiny brunette. He desperately wished that he could take her body in his arms and cradle her as she slept, longing her to feel safe and loved. It was at that moment the male nurse realised that he couldn't deny how he felt for Colette. He was still very much in love with her.

_She looked so small, in the middle of that hospital bed. After the delivery of their still born daughter Colette had fallen into a distraught, restless but exhausted slumber. Fletch looked on, his heart felt like it had been torn in two. Not only had they just lost their daughter but it was beginning to look like he may lose Colette too. She wouldn't talk, cry or even move. She had just lay in the same position, a traumatised look etched into her face. That look would haunt him for years to come. She looked so broken and vulnerable. Fletch couldn't stop the tears which seem to fall endlessly down his cheeks. He didn't have the energy to try and wipe them away though. Turning his body away from Colette he began to stare out the window. He wasn't sure whether he was in shock but he could barely process what had happened that day. That morning things had seemed so perfect. The pair had gone to work _feeling both rested and relaxed _after having the morning off. And now they were broken. Fletch was disrupted from his thoughts by a movement from the hospital bed._

_"Col?" He asked gently, whipping round to spot Colette trying to wake herself up. Fletch furiously wiped the tears from his cheeks as Colette looked towards him with a furrowed brow. She frantically looked around the hospital room as if trying to piece together what had happened as sleep still clouds her memory. It hit her again and Fletch could almost see her heart breaking. "You're okay" Fletch offered helplessly as the brunette tried tirelessly to ignore the tears which flooded her deep brown eyes. _

_"I think we should go" Colette managed to whisper, her voice barely audible due to emotion and exhaustion. _

_"Go where?" Fletch asked, his eyebrows knitting together in confusion._

_"Home" Colette replied bluntly, trying her best to sit herself up in the hospital bed. Fletch stood dumbfounded, unable to form a response. _

_"You're not ready" Fletch practically snapped, finally giving into his emotions._

_"We're going home" The brunette replied finally. "Help me" She added firmly. Fletch tried to argue but there was little point. She had made her mind up. Within the hour Colette had discharged herself after point blank refusing any help, counselling or support. Within the week Colette had returned to work whilst Fletch was left planning a funeral for their nameless baby daughter. He couldn't get through to her. She wouldn't name or see their daughter, she wouldn't plan the funeral and she certainly wouldn't attend. In the end, Fletch had buried their baby daughter alone. He was desperately heartbroken and she was carrying on as normal. He had already lost their daughter, he couldn't bare to lose Colette too._


	6. Chapter 6

**Here is chapter 6. I hope you enjoy and leave a comment, it means a lot! x**

"Look at you!" Colette managed to tease through her laughter. She was pointing at a picture of Fletch one Christmas. He was dressed up like Santa for a party they had attended and frankly, he looked ridiculous. Another bout of laughter caused Colette to dissolve into giggles once again. Colette had woken up from her nap feeling much brighter. Fletch had managed to make her some dinner in the tiny kitchen and then had presented her with the shoebox of memories. It appeared to have cheered her up no end.

"Do you remember this?" Fletch laughed picking up a small beach pebble. One winter's day Fletch had been teaching Colette to skip pebbles along the water. Colette however had a shocking aim and had managed to miss the water but hit the back of Fletch's head. They'd ended up in A&E with Fletch getting his head glued back together.

"I felt guilty about that for weeks!" Colette laughed, running the pebble through her fingers. "In fact, I'm surprised this hasn't got your blood on it" She added with a giggle.

"You've got quite the appalling aim Ms Sheward" Fletch teased.

"Oh my gosh I remember this!" Colette practically squeaked, pulling a small pile of rose petals from the box.

"You were hoovering them up for weeks" The male nurse laughed, remembering the day that he had surprised Colette after a difficult week at work with dinner, rose petals and an invitation to move in with him. The pair smile broadly at the memory before continuing to look through the vast array of pictures and items within the box. Colette even came across a receipt for a bunny rabbit they had once bought. They had decided to buy a pet in order to make them feel more like a family as they hasn't been ready to have a baby. However, Fletch had decided to let it out in the living room only to find that 'Bertie' had a thing for chewing wires. The rabbit came to an untimely demise after subsequently electrocuting himself. Colette was furious and had marched Fletch back to the pet shop demanding he buy and single-handedly look after some goldfish to teach him the concept of responsibility. Ironically, the goldfish had been invincible and outlasted Fletch and Colette's engagement.

"Whatever happened to the goldfish?" Colette asked curiously. When she'd packed a bag and fled their home the goldfish had been very much alive.

"They died of heartbreak soon after you left" Fletch teased before adding "No, every time I looked at them they reminded me of you. So I released them into that pond in the park" Fletch was laughing and Colette also found it amusing but she couldn't ignore the wave of guilt that washed over her.

"You got rid of the goldfish because of me?" She asked, her voice quiet.

"Col sweetheart, I got rid of a lot of things because of you. Our house, our car, your clothes, our ornaments. In fact, the only things I kept are in this box" The male nurse told her sincerely. He tried to ignore the pained expression on her face as he felt his heart sink. "You have to understand Col, I was really angry with you"

Colette nodded but her face said it all. This was the first time Fletch had ever been honest with her about his feelings after their break up.

"Will you always be mad at me?"

"As if!" Fletch smiled, reaching across the take her hand in his. "There was a time when I thought I would be. But as soon as I saw you the other day in AAU looking like the Collywobble I love, all that anger just disappeared"

"Wait… The Collywobble you love?!" The brunette asked, her face crumpled as she tried to comprehend the possibilities of the situation. Fletch didn't reply for a while but gently nodded.

"Col, I think I still love you…"

_"Col, I don't think it likes me" Fletch admitted nervously, leaning forward to stare the rabbit in the eyes. _

_"It's a rabbit" Colette replied bluntly. _

_"I think we're having bonding issues, look it's all over you!" Fletch explained, watching the rabbit climb into Colette's lap and nudge her hand. _

_"And I repeat… it's a rabbit" the female nurse replied, exasperation evident in her northern lull. "Just try holding it" She added, picking up the tiny creature and placing it into Fletch's hand. "Don't squish it!" She squeaked as the brunette went to grab the poor animal. After a while the rabbit began to play with Fletch, content in his arms. "See" Colette told him with a wink. "You'll be best friends yet!" _

_"He needs a name" Fletch suddenly announced after placing the creature back onto the living room room in order to feed it a carrot. "I think he looks like a Bertie" _

_Colette burst into laughter. _

_"Fletch, no one under the age of seventy five looks like a Bertie" she managed to splutter through her amusement. Fletch glared towards his fiancée and then looked back towards he rabbit. _

_"Well what do you suggest then?" He asked, reaching forward to shove Colette playfully. _

_"No, no" His fiancée laughed. "If you think he looks like a Bertie then we shall call him Bertie" She announced regally before leaning down to play with the rabbit who was now happily wandering around the living room. "Hi Bertie" She cooed. "But Fletch?" _

_"Yeah?" _

_"I'm naming our children!" _


	7. Chapter 7

**Thank you for the comments! When I started writing this fic I really wasn't planning on it being so depressing, oops, sorry! Please enjoy and leave a review! x**

"Don't look at me like that!" Fletch tried to protest. Colette's eyes were wide and her mouth had fallen slightly open. Fletch wasn't in love her her, surely not? Inside her heart was racing as she tried to figure out what on earth was unfolding in front of her.

"Like what?" She managed to stutter through her shock.

"Like I've just killed a kitten!" The male nurse attempted to force a laugh in hope to dispel the tension in the room. Unfortunately it didn't seem to work as Colette still continued to stare at him, a hurt look contouring her features.

"Sorry Fletch but I mean, that's a pretty big thing to take in!" Colette explained, running a shaky hand through her tousled, brunette hair. Fletch tried to ignore it but he couldn't get past the distressed look on her face and the hurt in her eyes. Colette looked like she had been told Fletch was a criminal, not that he was in love with her.

"I know Col and I'm sorry but I just can't help it. I really, really love you" Fletch admitted sincerely. "When I saw you laid there on the sofa I just had this sudden rush of love. I think secretly I always knew I still loved you but I just needed that moment of realisation…" Fletch began to babble in hope that it would trigger a reflex in Colette in which she would confess her love for him. Unfortunately he was cut off as he noticed that that Colette was laughing. Fletch stared at her for a while, dumbfounded before asking a lame 'what's funny?'.

"I'm just relived that's all!" She told him with a satisfied smile.

"Relived?" Fletch's eyebrows knitted together in confusion as the brunette continued to smile back at him.

"For a minute there I thought you were actually in love with me" She continued, laughing again. Fletch was stunned and spoke slowly, picking his next words carefully.

"But Col… I am in love you with" The male nurse replied. He was absolutely baffled by her behaviour. Fletch wasn't expecting her to suggest marriage but equally he wasn't expecting her to laugh in his face.

"No you're not" The brunette replied bluntly. "You're not in love with me" She added for clarification. "You felt sorry for me because I wasn't feeling very well. The love you felt for me was actually sympathy" She explained clinically. "You're not in love with me Fletch, don't scare me like that again"

"Scare you? Jesus Col. Why does the thought of someone loving you, scare you?" He asks, his voice increasing an octave as he struggles to understand the woman before him. "Col I love you. I am in love with you" Fletch told her bluntly. He looked towards her in hope of a level headed response but the tears were already beginning to build in Colette's eyes, no matter how hard she tried to blink them away. The pair lapsed into an uncomfortable silence as the brunette tried to get a handle on her emotions.

"I think it's best if you leave" Colette whispered suddenly. The petit brunette stood to her feet in hope that Fletch would follow her lead.

"Col" Fletch whispered. He tried to take the girl's shaking hands in his but she shook him off before using a hand to wipe her eyes even though no tears had fallen.

"I'm not ready for this" Colette managed to whisper, her voice cracking as she spoke. The male nurse resisted the urge to take her in his arms in an attempt to comfort her.

"Oh Col" He replied softly "It's okay, you're okay" The brunette added gently in order to comfort the woman before him. However, the tears had already began to fall from her deep brown eyes despite her desperate efforts to blink them away. Fletch felt the tears instantly well in his eyes as he saw the women he loved crumble in front of him. Colette always had such a barrier up that he rarely ever saw her true emotions. He guessed that illness and exhaustion had caused these walls to crumble as she finally gave into to the many emotions which swamped her head. Unable to resist it any longer the male nurse stepped forward before engulfing Colette in his familiar embrace. "Oh Collywobble" He offered helplessly. Colette tensed in his arms before eventually relaxing and subsequently burying her head in his shoulder.

"I love you Fletch" Colette mumbled into Fletch's shoulder. "But I can't…" Her voice cracked again. "I can't, not after last time and…" The brunette took a deep breath as she tried to stop the tears from flowing freely down her cheeks. "Not after our…" Colette trailed off, lifting her head in order to meet Fletch's eyes.

"Our daughter" Fletch finished for her. Raising an arm he tenderly wiped the tears from her cheeks with a gentle hand as she crumbled again. Fletch's heart broke at the sight of Colette as her emotions finally overtook. "Col, we are not cursed sweetheart. Nothing bad like that is going to happen just because we are in love" Fletch spoke rationally in order to gain her trust but the brunette didn't reply as the sobs washed over her tiny frame. Tightening his embrace on the women he loved Fletch placed soft butterfly kisses along her hair line whilst trying to figure out how they moved on from their past which seemed so desperate to hold them back.

_It was nearing 2am when Fletch climbed into bed that evening. It had only been a week since Fletch & Colette had lost their daughter in a horrific, freak accident. Their relationship had been very fraught with Colette refusing to acknowledge their tragedy and subsequently deal with the grief which engulfed her tiny frame. In fact, she barely even acknowledged Fletch. They hadn't really spoken all week. however not for the want of trying on Fletch's behalf. Pulling the duvet back Fletch peeled off his clothes before clambering into the bed next to his fiancée. Colette lay on her side facing away from him, an indication that her barriers were still very much up in regards to her emotions, feelings and grief._

_"Col?" He whispered into the darkness, unable to figure out whether she was asleep or pretending to be asleep as she had so often done in the past week. However, he was only met with silence leaving him none the wiser. Fletch made his exasperation know through several heavy outward sighs before giving up and closing his eyes in an attempt to sleep. The male nurse wished sleep to wash over him before his grief had a chance to take hold of his exhausted state of mind. _

_"Was it my fault?" A tiny voice suddenly asked from beside him. Colette had turned to lay on her back and was staring at the ceiling, a blank look on her face. Sitting up in bed a bemused Fletch struggled to form a response. _

_"Col" Fletch managed to whisper after some time, his heart breaking as he tried to comprehend how she must be feeling in order to ask such a question. "Please don't ever think this was your fault" He whispered hopelessly. _

_"But it was Fletch. If I had defended myself better or just not gone near that patient" Colette spoke clearly despite the tears were beginning to form in her tired eyes. Fletch debated reaching across to turn on the bedside light but decided against it, he couldn't bear to see her eyes so filled with hurt and heartbreak. Reaching across he tried to wrap the brunette in a hug as the tears began to fall down her pale, gaunt cheeks. However, as he tried to touch her Colette began to fight against him. The more she fought the faster her tears fell until her body racked with heavy, helpless, heartbroken sobs. "Why don't you hate me?" She sobbed, her fist curled into a ball. Her words were so strong and clear but her voice was so empty, so broken._

_"Come on sweetheart, you're okay" Fletch offered helplessly as his fiancée struggled to catch her breath through her heavy sobs. "I could never hate you Colette" He whispered sincerely as he encouraged his partner to take some deep, calming breaths. _

_"But why don't you hate me? It's my fault" She shouted, continuing to fight as Fletch as he reached out to try and take her hand in a vain attempt to calm her. _

_"It's not your fault" Fletch told her. "It wasn't your fault, it wasn't anybody's fault. It was just a freak accident" He told her, his voice coming out much stronger than he felt. He reached forward to hold her shaking body and she let him, unable to continue fighting due to sheer exhaustion. Colette let him hold her close to his chest as she continued to cry. "It's wasn't your fault" He told her repeatedly. "I love you Colette, it wasn't your fault. I love you and we're going to get through this". Fletch continued to repeat the same comforting words over and over. "You're okay Colette. It wasn't your fault, I love you so much. We'll get through this". These were the words that she so desperately needed to hear despite being too stubborn to admit it. Fletch continued whispering the same sentence over and over for the next hour until her tears began to subside. Colette eventually fell into the slumber that her body craved. Fletch stayed awake determined to keep an eye on her in case she woke with a nightmare. It also gave him time to think and time to get a grip on his thoughts as he gently rubbed soothing circles into her arm as she slept on top of his chest. He would be happy to stay awake all nice it if meant Colette felt rested, safe and loved. _


	8. Chapter 8

**Thank you so much for your lovely reviews, they always make me smile! I have tried to drop the depression in this bit and channel 'cheery' haha. My apologies in advance! Please enjoy and leave a comment! x**

Fletch was stood leaning against the frame of the living room door. Colette was pulling a brush through her damp, tousled hair after her shower. She was dressed in a clean pair of pyjamas, her dressing gown and some fluffy socks. Fletch had to resist the urge to laugh. If half the student nurses in AAU could see Colette now they would never take her barking orders seriously again. Smiling gently Fletch walked into the living room, the two steaming mugs of tea beginning to burn the tips of his fingers.

"Here" Fletch says softy in order to gain her attention. Colette looks towards him, her wide brunette eyes falling upon his. Reaching out he carefully passes her one of the cups, making sure he had turned the cup so she could easily grab the handle. The brunette had jumped into the shower and changed her clothes in hope to make her feel a little more human and hopefully slightly more rational.

"Thanks" She smiled gratefully as she took the cup of tea before quickly placing it on the coffee table to save burning her hands.

"Feeling better?" Fletch asked tentatively knowing it would probably ruin her calmer mood. Luckily a mixture of the sickness bug and their emotionally charged evening had left her exhausted meaning Colette barely managed to nod in response to his question.

"Much" Colette replied honestly after a short silence. "I'm really sorry about my reaction earlier" She added quietly watching Fletch take the seat on the sofa next to her, mug of tea in hand.

"Hey don't worry" Fletch told her gently. "It's my fault, I'm sorry" He added quietly. "I just wanted to tell you how much I loved you. I thought it would help you to feel better and I didn't really stop to think about whether you felt the same or how it would affect you" Fletch lifted his gaze to meet Colette's eyes. Her lips had curled into a soft smile as she reached out to take his hand in his.

"Don't apologise" Colette told him softly. "Fletch, I'm really glad you told me" She hesitated slightly. "… You know, that you love me" She finished carefully. Fletch didn't reply, his heart hammered against his chest as he wondered where this was going. "Fletch I think I love you too" The brunette finally whispered. There was a moment of silence between the pair as they both stared towards each other. The same lopsided grin began to tug at the corner of their lips before the same loving smile was mirrored upon their lips. Fletch hesitated slightly before forward Fletch to capture her lips in a soft, tentative but tender kiss. Colette responded to this action before carefully pulling away, but only enough so that their foreheads were resting together.

"Fletch" She whispered. "We have to take this slow" she told him adamantly. There was a vulnerability in her voice, a rawness. "I'm not sure whether I can do this but I am going to try for you" Colette continued, her voice soft. "I love you but this is going to bring back lots of memories. Some good, some painful. I need you to understand that. And I need to know that you're willing to work through my issues. Because if you're not, I don't think it's best that we get into this only to end up hurting each other" Colette spoke with complete clarity despite the fear which was so obvious in her soft nothern lull. "I know I'm asking a lot…" Fletch didn't respond but carefully reached forward to rub soothing circles into her palm as he placed a fond kiss on her cheek.

"I love you Col". Fletch's voice was strong and convincing causing Colette to nod. "I know you're scared but we're in this together. I'm always here for you". Whatever happened she trusted him implicitly and if she knew anything about Fletch, she knew he would stay true to his word. "I don't want to lose you this time Col" He added with a whisper before once again leaning forward to capture her lips once more.

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><p><em>Collywobble, <em>

_I expect you're probably wondering why I have left you a letter pinned to the fridge. Knowing you though, you're wondering why you have only just noticed this letter despite getting in from your shift ages ago. I really just wanted to tell you how much I love you Colette. It's been five years and I am still absolutely crazy about you. You're the first person on my mind when I wake up, the last person I think about before I sleep and my favourite person to dream about. I have never loved anybody as much as I loved you and I don't think I ever will. You are so special Col. You have such a spirit and I never feel as alive as when I am in your company. You're beautiful, sweet, funny, loving, caring and absolutely mad! But I love every part of you. I know you don't think much of yourself Colette but I wish you could see yourself as I do because then you would realise how truly special you are. It would kill me to lose you. _

_I know we still have so many adventures left in this life and I am so excited to spend the rest of my days with you. There isn't a day that goes by that you don't make you laugh until my stomach hurts. In fact, I only have to think about you and I can't help but grin. You make me so glad to be alive and I feel so lucky that you are mine. Colette you are my world. I don't tell you this often enough but I love you so much. _

_Forever and always,_

_Fletch x_

_P.S. Will you marry me? (please!)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Thank you for your reviews, they make me very happy! Rolling with the cheerier theme in this next chapter! Please enjoy and leave a comment! x**

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><p>Rolling over onto her side the brunette tried to see past the foggy haze that was clouding her mind. Her raised temperature and slight nausea reminded her she had been ill. She remembered how Fletch had come to visit and they had laughed about old times. Soon, all the details from yesterday evening were beginning to slot back into place. Fletch had told her he loved her and subsequently she had also admitted to loving Fletch. Lifting a hand to rub her tired eyes Colette cannot ignore the tiny smile that begins to tug at the corner of her lips. Opening her eyes and edging towards the middle of the bed the frame nurse half expected to find Fletch sprawled out beside her claiming at least 80% of the duvet. However, when the brunette rolled over she was greeted with cold sheets and a perfectly made bed. She began to panic before a familiar male voice asked 'who are you looking for?'. Colette looked up to be greeted with a smiling Fletch. He stood in the doorway, two steaming mugs of tea in hand.<p>

"You" Colette replied simply, watching as Fletch walked into the room and placed her cup of tea on the bedside table" Thank you" She added gratefully as he climbed back into bed beside her. "Have you been up long?" She asked indicating to his jeans and t-shirt.

"Have you seen the time sleepyhead?" Fletch teased, taking a sip of his tea. Shifting her body the brunette sat up in bed before turning her head to look at the alarm clock on the side. Her eyes fall wide open at seeing the current and precise time of 11:48am. "Why didn't you wake me?!" She asks, her voice raising at least an octave.

"Didn't have the heart" Fletch replied with a laugh. "You have the day off anyway" He pointed out, reaching across to sling a loose arm around her frame.

"And what about you?" Colette asked curiously. "I'm fairly sure I put you down to work all week" She added with a mischievous grin.

"Yeah thanks for that Col" Fletch teases, playfully nudging her on the arm.

"Seriously though?"

"I called in sick. I'd much rather spend the day with you" Fletch told her honestly before leaning forward to place a butterfly kiss upon her still slightly clammy forehead. Colette didn't respond but shuffled in the bed to rest her head upon Fletch's chest and cuddle into his side. The pair sat in a comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying the warmth and familiarity of each other's company.

"I am really excited" Fletch randomly declared after a while. Colette's eyebrows knitted together in confusion before she asked a lame 'why?'.

"Because we have this massive adventure in front of us" Fletch informed her almost breathlessly. "Just you and me with every opportunity open to us"

"Oh god" Colette grinned. "I have the distinct sense of déjà vu" She laughed. "If you get out a map I am off" The brunette added unable to stop herself from dissolving into giggles.

"Hey that was a good idea" Fletch laughed, trying to defend himself. "It's not my fault you are lacking a sense of adventure!" He teased. Colette just continued to laugh before snuggling back down into Fletch's arms. The whole situation oddly felt normal causing a warm, fuzzy feeling in the brunette's chest. She was scared that it would be all too soon but at the same time she couldn't bear to be parted from his company. Fletch had even offered to sleep on the sofa last night as it had been too late to go home but Colette had told him honestly that she needed to feel his love and comfort. Colette had slept soundly for the first time in years feeling contented, loved and safe in his arm.

"I've missed this" Colette told him, breaking the comfortable silence between them both.

"Missed what?" The male nurse asked curiously.

"You. Us" She replied simply.

"Me too" Fletch agreed with a nod. "And I meant what I said last night Col, I don't want to lose you this time" He added sincerely.

"And I meant what I said" Colette replied seriously "We have to take this slowly" She warned. Fletch nodded again.

"I love you Colette and I'm willing to do anything that makes you happy" The male nurse told her truthfully. A smile tugged at the corner of Colette's lips as she heard his gentle words and the sincerity in his voice. Leaning forward to kiss him softly Colette honestly felt the happiest she had in a long time.

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><p><em>"Go on Col" Fletch encouraged watching as she closed her eyes. <em>

_"This is stupid" Colette declared adamantly as she opened the neatly folded world map and stuck a pin into the left edge. The pair had been discussing their future plans and decided that nothing much tied them to the UK. They had little family and their jobs allowed them to travel anywhere. In a moment of madness Fletch had somehow got the brunette to agree to thinking about moving somewhere new in order to begin a new adventure. Obviously, the most logical way to do this (according to Fletch) was to get Colette to stick a pin into a map with her eyes closed. "Can I open my eyes now?" _

_"No, do it again" Fletch laughed taking the map from her hands, removing the pin out and giving it back to her._

_"You can't just discount places!" Colette whinged, scrunching up her face as much as she could with her eyes closed which just proved to make Fletch laugh even more. "You're breaking the rules" _

_"I'm not" Fletch told her "You managed to place us somewhere in the middle of the pacific ocean! I don't know about you but I think that's a pretty big commitment for someone who doesn't even like getting her hair wet!" He teased with a laugh causing a grumpy 'I told you this was stupid' from Colette. _

_"Lighten up Col, this could turn into something really exciting_

_"Suppose" Colette admitted begrudgingly. _

_"Right go again!" Fletch instructed her before watching as she dramatically placed the pin back into the map. "Good choice!" Fletch admitted triumphantly as the pin landed in a country this time as opposed to in the ocean._

_"Can I open my eyes now?" She asked again, grateful when Fletch answered yes. Colette slowly peeled each eye open cautiously. Her eyes jumped into focus as she tried to spot the pin on the map. "Canada?!" She practically squeaked upon seeing her red pin nearing the Canadian border. _

_"What's wrong with Canada?" Fletch asked, his facial expression a mixture of bemusement and amusement. _

_"We can't live in Canada!" Colette continued adamantly. "It's really cold!" _

_"It's really cold here too" Fletch pointed out. "If you don't want to live in Canada, go again" He added knowing it would take a heck of a lot of convincing to get Colette to live anywhere colder than the UK. So, with a loud sigh and a roll of the eyes the brunette once again closed her eyes and stuck the pin into the map. She then spent the next ten minutes explaining why Turkmenistan wasn't a viable option. In the end, the game had continued all night with Colette discounting most places for a variety of bizarre but hilarious reasons._

_"I think we could have been really happy in Brazil" Fletch teased throwing the map across the living room after at least two hours of the game. He was feeling ever so slightly delirious after discounting most places in the world. His comment was rewarded with a playful shove from Colette._

_"I don't know about you but I'm really happy here" She told him honestly. "I'm happy where ever I am Fletch, as long as I'm with you" The brunette continued prompting a moment of silence between the couple as they leaned forward for a gentle kiss._


	10. Chapter 10

**I just love you guys, thank you so much for your lovely reviews! Now, stay with me on this bit. We have to sink into depression again for a few chapters but once we get it out the way we should be alright! I hope you enjoy and leave a review! Thank you again! **

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><p>The pair had tried to be secretive about their relationship. Colette was still adamant that they were meant to be 'talking things slowly' and didn't want the constant mocking of their colleagues to alter their feelings. Whilst Fletch had spent a lot of time at Colette's it was all very harmless. The pair spent a lot of time talking and getting to know each other again. They were also just getting used to being back in a relationship. Fletch however was finding it a bit easier to adjust than Colette given his colourful dating history. They had tried to go on a few 'dates' but had quickly decided that restaurants were not for them. It added too much pressure. So that evening they had decided to make a getaway to their favourite place, the beach. They were planning to leave as soon as Colette had finished her shift, although the brunette was making that quite a challenge.<p>

"I just need to see one more patient" Colette promised, taking the final swig of her cup of tea.

"Seriously Col, come on!" Fletch whinged dramatically as Colette. "You're shift ended half an hour ago, I want to go to the beach" The male nurse continued to protest causing Colette to roll her eyes.

"Don't be so melodramatic, I'll only be ten minutes" She told him with a laugh before rinsing out her cup and placing it on the staff room draining board. She then stepped forward to place a kiss on her boyfriend's cheek before turning to the door.

"Don't be long!" He called after her before turning back towards the picnic he was making for their evening out. However, he couldn't help the smile that pinched at the corner of his cheeks. He just loved her.

Back on the ward, Colette headed straight towards her final patient. She had no intention of spending more than five minutes giving the patient his medication before finishing her shift, getting changed and heading to the beach with Fletch. However, when she walked back towards his bed she found the patient in question squaring up to one of her nurses hurling a whole host of abuse towards the entire ward and everybody on it.

"Excuse me!" She shouted, pacing towards the unfolding scene in front of her.

"Colette" Serena warned carefully, trying to deter the girl from heading into the potentially dangerous situation. Colette ignored her senior by walking straight past her before quickly closing the gap towards her increasingly violent patient.

"Can somebody please explain what is going on here?!" Colette demanded her hands automatically finding their way to her hips. Her deep chestnut eyes flashed with a fierce sense of determination. On the outside Colette looked like a tower of strength, both collected and absolutely calm. On the inside however she was a panicking wreck. The scene playing out before her was bringing back all sorts of horrible and painful memories which she was struggling to ignore. The patient did not speak but continued to glare at Colette, an almost deadly look in his eyes. The man raised his fist, causing her heart to pound against her chest. She braced herself for the impact of his hand against her face trying as she tried ignore the memories which were trying their best to tear her apart. The impact of his fist against her head was enough to make the brunette fall to the floor. As the nurse hit the floor a sense of calm washed over her, the ward fell silent and the world seemed to stop. But within a matter of seconds the pounding in her chest was back, along with a constant throbbing where she had just been struck. Colette struggled to catch her breath as she felt her body stiffen shock.

"Colette!" It suddenly sounded like hundreds of people were calling her name but she couldn't pick out specific voices. A host of her team tried to crowd around her causing the brunette to feel like she was suffocating.

Somehow, she managed to drag herself. Colette knew she had to get out of there. She ran as fast as her legs could carry her but it didn't seem fast enough. She wouldn't have long before people came to try and find her. With no thought as to where she was going the brunette continued to run. The female nurse found herself hurrying up the many flights of stairs until she had reached the managerial level. Despite having an office on AAU, Guy still kept her desk in the corner if she ever wanted an escape. Today she needed it more than ever before. Sprinting towards the office Colette throws herself into the room, her lungs beginning to protest against the exertion. Double locking the door behind her Colette slid down the door finally giving in to her emotions. As the painful memories fought their way into the forefront of her mind the brunette let the heavy sobs wrack through her tiny body.

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><p><em>"It's okay, we can sort this" Colette reasoned gently, trying to calm her agitated patient. "Just sit down and we'll sort it" She continued, extending a shaky hand towards her very confused and angry patient. Colette was very acutely aware of the crowd that has started to form behind her, but the brunette tried her best to stay calm and in control hoping not to upset him anymore. The man in question had been bought in the day before having sustained some injuries attempting to carry out a robbery. Unbeknown to Colette the police had managed to get tangled up in the whole situation and were threatening to prosecute despite the fact the female nurse had almost promised not to get the police involved.<em>

_"This is your fault" He told her, his voice was calm but his anger managed to seep through into every word._

_"I am sorry" Colette begged "I didn't call the police"_

_"Why should I believe you?"_

_"I promise!" Colette whispered, her voice practically breaking with both emotion and fear. Unfortunately, before Colette could fully register the situation she found a fist come into contact with her face. Her hand automatically flew to her cheek and her patient took it as an opportunity to wrestle her to the ground. The brunette could just about make out the sound of people around her both screaming and gasping in shock as she fell to the floor. Her arm automatically wrapped around her stomach but she was too late. An agonising pain shot through her side causing Colette to cry out in pain. Her world seemed to spin as Colette tried to comprehend what had happened. Another pain in her stomach caused her to promptly throw up onto the floor. Her body began to shake as she began to realise that her unborn child's life was probably hanging in the balance. Heavy sobs fell from her tiny frame as she felt a group of people crowd around her._

_"Fletch" She managed to whimper, her voice desperate._

_"It's okay Colette sweetheart" She heard one of the doctor's whisper. "We're going to look after you and your baby" He continued before placing a soothing hand onto Colette's shoulder._

_"Where's Fletch?" She sobbed, fighting against the nurses, doctors and porters who tried to help her into a sitting position. She thrashed out against them causing her to feel even fainter than before. Slowly the world began to fade into black. Colette frantically looked around as her eyes grew heavy. And then she saw him._

_"Fletch" She whispered, desperately trying to catch his eye. He was stood to the side staring blankly towards her and the scene unfolding around them. His eyes look dead and his face was drained of colour. "Fletch!" She shouted through her tears, aching for his strength and support. Another stabbing pain in her abdomen caused her to cry out but Fletch didn't even blink. The female nurse frantically blinked trying to ignore the blackness which was trying to engulf her frame. Colette tried desperately to fight against it but she couldn't, the pain and fear were too much and too raw. She was on the edge of losing everything and seemingly alone in doing so._


	11. Chapter 11

**I promise you, when we get through the depths of depression we are going to have at least 27 cheery chapters to make up for it! Please enjoy and leave a review!**

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><p>"Colette" Fletch called down the corridor. "Colette, please. Where are you?" He was on the verge of tears. Fletch had been in the staff room and therefore hadn't seen what happened however, when he emerged to tell Colette she was being far too slow he instantly spotted the commotion. It didn't take long for one of the other nurses to fill him in, enjoying the gossip, unaware of Fletch &amp; Colette's current relationship. Since that moment he had been running manically around the hospital trying to find her. So far, without luck. Guy's office as his last resort as it was literally the only place he hadn't looked. Fletch approached the door with caution, hoping not to startle his girlfriend.<p>

"Col?" He called gently, knocking quietly on the large wooden door. Fletch didn't need a response to know she was in there, he could hear her heavy sobs and sniffles through the door. "Come on Col, I just want to see that you're okay" Fletch added softly when he received no response. He then proceeded to knock on the door again, louder this time. "Colette, angel" The male nurse reasoned. "I understand how you're feeling and I know how scared you must be but you just need to open the door and I promise I can help you"

Once again Fletch was met with silence. However, within moments Colette carefully released the lock on the door allowing Fletch to gently push it in order to enter the room. His eyes dart around the room until he spots Colette in a crumpled heap by the door. Her face is pale and yet stained with makeup. Her whole body is shaking as she continues to cry and there is a nasty bruise forming around her eye due to her earlier blow to the face.

"Collywobble" Fletch breaths, his voice barely audible as he struggles to comprehend the broken women in front of him. Rushing to her side, Fletch manages to gather Colette into his arms and into his familiar embrace. He sits with his back against the wall with Colette sprawled in his lap just holding her in his arms. It doesn't take long for the girl to catch her breath and cry herself out once she feels safe in his arms. The pair sit in a comfortable silence for a while, soothing each other by just being there.

"Better?" Fletch asks after a while, breaking the silence between them.

"Much" Colette whispers, her voice still hoarse with emotion. "I needed you" She tells him in a tiny voice which almost breaks his heart.

"I am so sorry" The male nurse replies sincerely. "I've got you now though" He adds softly, extending an arm to run his hand repeatedly though her tousled brunette hair.

"I was so scared" Colette confides, her eyes once again filing with tears. "Everything I have tried so hard to forget about that horrible day was happening all over again and I was so scared" Her voice breaks with emotion as she tries not to dissolve into tears once again. Fletch tightens his embrace to make Colette feel more safe and secure.

"I am so sorry you had to go through that again" Fletch whispered placing soothing kisses along her hair line.

"You promised me-" She mumbled into his chest. "-that nothing bad like that would happen again just because we were together. But it did Fletch" Colette was sitting up now, her eyes more alert and more frantic. "It was my fault, again"

"Hey come on" Fletch soothed softly. "Don't be silly, it was no one's fault" It was pointless though, he might not have been saying anything at all. When Colette had her mind made up, there was no stopping her. "We need to get that bruise looked at" Fletch added, trying to change the subject to avoid more needless self-loathing on Colette's part.

"I'm tired" Colette declared sleepily before resting her head onto the top of Fletch's chest, seemingly happy to forget about her previous trail of conversation.

"I'm not surprised" Fletch told her, somehow managing to muster an emotionally drained chuckle. "You've had a pretty emotional afternoon and you've dealt with some really tough stuff. I am so proud of you" He added honestly, leaning forward to place a kiss on her cheek. "Let's skip the beach for tonight and head back to yours where I can look after you" The male nurse proposed, happy when the brunette accepted with no arguments. Too exhausted to even form a sentence Colette let herself to be pulled to her feet and dragged back to AAU hand in hand with Fletch. Just this once, she was too drained to care whether or not people knew they were in a relationship.

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><p><em>Whilst she was at work battling through her emotions, he was at home grieving. Grieving for their daughter and grieving for that piece of his fiancée which had seemed to die along with her. In all honestly, Colette was glad that Fletch had decided to stay off work because she couldn't take seeing him any longer than she had too. The heartbreak and trauma etched into his eyes was enough to break her every time she saw him. He was a constant reminder of what they had lost. It was still so raw that she honestly couldn't bare it. It was much easier to come into nwork and try to suppress her emotions that it was to sit at home with Fletch grieving and working through them. <em>

_Colette had returned to work just under a week after their tragedy. Within hours she'd been called forward to a fitness for practise hearing. Her superiors were full of sympathetic looks and comments but continued to question her emotionally stability. She'd pleaded with those same seniors telling them how much she needed to work. They tried to understand her need to keep busy but adamantly demanded that she see an onsite counsellor once a week for the foreseeable future. Colette had tried to argue. 'That will be unnecessary' the brunette told them fiercely. She continued to inform her colleagues that she was seeing someone in a practise disassociated with the hospital as she felt her privacy was paramount given the situation. The board had readily agreed, deemed her fit for practise and let her get on with her work. Colette didn't condone lying but on this occasion it had saved her job and subsequently, her sanity. Work was the one solid, unchanging thing in her life. She desperately craved the routine and normality. _

_After work Colette turned to alcohol in order to aid the constant aching in her chest and the longing for her daughter. It helped to block out the painful memories of that day but did nothing to aid the depression she found herself slipping into to. The brunette found it less upsetting than going home to Fletch. His persistence to 'talk' drove her mad. She couldn't even begin to understand how she felt or comprehend the physical pain she experienced when she thought about what they had lost. Therefore, she definitely could not articulate it to Fletch. Unlike Colette he was claiming all the help he could get in the form of counselling, support and comfort. They argued endlessly about her barriers and attitude towards gaining any help which may help her to come to terms with the situation. In time, Fletch began to deal with his grief growing stronger both mentally and emotionally. He had gained closure whereas Colette had not. She was still crumbling under the weight of her grief. As Fletch began to move on Colette was too scared to admit she hadn't even started grieving but instead had been suppressing every thought and feeling. Fletch seemed to be coming through the other side but she was still drowning with no idea how to help herself, feeling more alone than ever._


	12. Chapter 12

**I finally got round to writing the next bit! I'd love to say uni has been hectic but I'm just lazy haha! Mixing depression and a little bit of happiness here but things should be looking up from here on in! Thank you once again for your lovely, lovely comments! Please enjoy and leave a review! x**

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><p>After ordering in a takeaway the pair sat on the sofa together, Colette curled into her boyfriend's arms. They needed few words between them but the comfort they gave each other was paramount that evening. Fletch had fallen into bed around midnight feeling both mentally and physically drained. It had taken less than twenty minutes for him to fall asleep, something Colette was finding much more difficult. She lay in his arms for a few hours, tired but completely wired. Her mind was in overdrive and she felt powerless to switch off without Fletch. The brunette carefully peeled back the covers and tiptoed out of bed around 2am. Finding a pen and the back of a bank statement she began to write.<p>

Fletch,

You of all people know how hard it is for me to express and articulate my feelings, which is why I often choose not to. However if the events of today made me realise anything, it helped me to fully acknowledge that I never grieved properly for our baby girl. I don't know whether it is ever possible to 'get over' situations like that but I know I have not even come to terms with it even though it has been so long. At the time I found it much easier to throw myself back into work, suppressing every emotion whilst you dealt with your feelings and subsequently came through the other side. When you were ready to return to work and were 'done' grieving I was only beginning to realise that I had done nothing to accept or acknowledge my own feelings. By this point though it was too late. You were ready to move on so by default, I had to be ready too.

When we broke up it seemed even easier to try and forget the whole thing ever happened as you were not there as a constant reminder. Now however I realise I need to deal with these feelings. I cannot deal with the constant aching in my chest any longer. I need to let her go. I feel like I have failed her by not grieving for her but above all I feel like I've failed her for trying to forget her. Sometimes though I feel like she had a lucky escape as opposed to having to live with a mother like me. When given a chance to hold my lifeless daughter I was barely even able to look at her tiny yet beautiful face. I even failed to name my darling girl refusing her a personality and a means to be remembered. I never attended her funeral or said a proper goodbye. I have never visited her grave and have no idea which words you carefully chose to place on her gravestone. I do not even know whether you gave her a name. I know we had our heart's set on calling her Elly and I'd like to think you went through with that. One day I hope I am strong enough to be able to hear all these details without feeling like my heart is being trampled in my chest. I understand that I am broken but recognise that it's time to start the healing process, no matter how long overdue.

I am so sorry I couldn't admit all this to you in person. I hope you understand. I don't trust myself to be able to talk about her yet but I am ready to start grieving for her. I am ready to seek help, support and guidance from our friends, family and professionals. I understand if this is too much for you and would not blame you at all if you had to leave me. I hope we can work through this together but I would not be bitter if we could not.

I am so sorry I failed our baby girl but I am ready to remember her and ready to love her. I love you Fletch,

Col x

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><p><em>Colette busied herself in the kitchen laying the table and preparing their breakfast. It was a Saturday morning and for the first time in months the pair found themselves sharing a day off. The female nurse was trying to make home-made pancakes look a bit more edible when Fletch walked into the room, still looking slightly dishevelled from a long lie in. She didn't hear or see him enter the room so when he smiled "morning!" she almost jumped two feet in the air! "Sorry, didn't mean to scare you" Fletch added through his laughter. Colette whipped round in mock anger subsequently making her fiancée laugh even more. Within seconds she was laughing too. Despite their recent troubles it all felt oddly normal. Pacing towards her Fletch leaned down to place a gentle kiss on her cheek. <em>

_"__What's all this then?" He asked, gesturing to the table as he casually leant back onto the kitchen counter. _

_"__Breakfast" Colette replied smartly. The male nurse rolled his eyes before beginning to eye up the pancakes in the frying pan. _

_"__Seriously though Col, this looks so good!" The brunette didn't reply but smiled warmly towards him before busying herself dishing up breakfast and putting the pans into the sink. Fletch took a seat at the table watching as she bought his breakfast to him. He smiled gratefully and thanked her as she sat down opposite him. "You didn't to go to all this trouble though" Fletch told her softly. _

_"__I wanted to" Colette replied honestly. "I haven't…" She hesitated. "Been myself recently and I just wanted to show you that I appreciate your endless patience" _

_Fletch grinned. _

_"__I love you" She added timidly. _

_"__I love you too Col" Fletch replied softly. "And" He added with a laugh "You make damn good pancakes!" The pair laughed and chatted meaninglessly for a while, just enjoying being in each other's company. Even when they lapsed into silence it felt okay, whereas recently it had all been a bit awkward._

_After a while Colette tentatively asked "Do you think we're finally getting back to normal?" Fletch leaned across the table to take her hand, a solemn look gracing his lips. Colette's heart began to pace as she awaited his hesitant response._

_"__Collywobble dear…" The male nurse spoke seriously. "We've never been normal!" He added with a laugh and a boyish grin. Colette couldn't help the laugh that pinched at the corner of her lips before leaning over the table and placing a gentle kiss upon his lips. _


End file.
